Monster
by kind.of.a.writer
Summary: Skye is terrified of her new powers. In order to protect the team she decides to leave them, and May is the only one who seems to be able to stop her


They would be fine, she told herself, as she finished putting her belongings in a black suitcase. They didn't need her, why would they? To cause an earthquake? Or worse, to crash the Playground if Hydra attacked? She wouldn't do that. The team had been just fine without her, and they would certainly be fine again. She desperately tried not to imagine everyone's faces when they found out she was gone. Disappointment and sadness in Coulson's eyes, hidden pain and grief in May's usually stoic factions, Jemma's tears as Fitz tried to comfort her, Trip... No. Trip was gone, and it was her fault. That was just another reason to leave.  
With silent tears streaming down her cheeks and a sob trapped in her chest, Skye left the note she had written on her nightstand and grabbed her suitcase. She made her way through the base, which was desert and silent as it was nearly three on the morning, until she reached the hangar. Leaving through there would be easier, she didn't have any risks of finding anyone and the door was completely noiseless. Besides, the cameras weren't as good as the ones from the lobby and, with a little luck the team wouldn't see her crying off her face as she left them. She saw the quinjets and the cars, including Lola, which she caressed with nostalgia as she headed to her goal; the exit of the base. Before pressing the button that opened the door she took once last glance around her, still weeping. That was not a base from a secret agency, it was her home. Agents were no colleagues but her family. She had spent so many years looking for one, being rejected and abandoned one and a million times. It was so unfair, she thought, now that she had found it, and she was forced to be the one who walked away. But then again, people like her, monsters, didn't deserve the same opportunities than the rest.  
A small tremor ran through the base and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to make it stop. Why, why she was destined to push people away?  
She then reached out a shaking hand and pressed the button. The door opened with a small click, and she was about to trespass it when a figure stopped her.  
"Oh, my...May!" She exclaimed, frightened. Her silhouette was outlined against the moonlight, a few feet in front of her. "What are you doing here?"  
"Watching the sky" May replied, dryly. "You?"  
"Uh..." May raised an eyebrow, and she knew that it would be useless to try to lie. "I... I need to do this, May, you know that"  
"No, you don't" said the older woman. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her expression was as unreadable as always. Even if the night was pretty cold, enough for their breathings to leave a white trail in the air, the specialist was wearing nothing more than her usual black trousers with one of her slim leather jackets. Skye couldn't help but wonder how many nights May had gone there since her returning.  
"It's for everyone's sake" she insisted, biting her lip in a little attempt of making the trembling of her voice less noticeable "Please, stay out of my way. I'm going to hurt you"  
"You, are going to hurt me?" The other asked. It wasn't a threat, not even a real question, for the tone of her voice she could had been commenting the weather.  
"I could break you" whispered the girl, shaking her head. "Just by an accident, just with a look, I could break you down into a million pieces"  
"Don't worry about that. I'm already broken" May shrugged, but then swallowed hard. She took another step in her direction, causing them to stay right in front of each other. "Skye, I'm not afraid of you" she glanced over her suitcase and rolled her eyes. "That's your brilliant plan? Leave in the middle of the night, with this cold, carrying that big suitcase without a car?"  
"Well, you walked a lot when you left Providence" Skye replied, somewhat defensive. "And there was snow"  
"That's true... But I was trained to survive" she pointed out. "You wouldn't make it for two hours without freezing or someone from Hydra killing you"  
"So, why don't you cut down the process and kill me now?" She replied, not even thinking in her words.  
May backed off, feeling as if she had received a hard punch in the stomach. The young woman could notice she had hurt her by saying that, what was really odd, for she had never seen May hurt by words that weren't Coulson's. Her S.O was always trying to protect her, even when they were sparring she was incredibly careful and avoided using too much strength unless it was really necessary. Damn it, it was nearly four in the morning and there she was, standing out of the base, unarmed and probably frozen, waiting to see if she ran away like a coward. Seeing her in the eye she figured out she'd been having as much sleep as her during the past few days, maybe even less, and looked exhausted and worried.  
"I'm sorry" she apologized in all honesty, dropping her bag to the floor. "I didn't mean it"  
"Skye, I..." the specialist shook her head. "I'd die before hurting you"  
She had never seen May saying out loud something like that. She knew she cared about the team, but hearing it mixed with some bad hidden pain in her voice was actually a big deal, and made her feel even more awful.  
"I know and I'm sorry" she whispered. "It's just that... I can't... What are you really doing here?" Asked once more, feeling new tears in her eyes.  
"Stopping you from making the same mistake I made"  
The pain and sincerity in May's voice startled her. It was obvious that she had gone there looking for her, but she had thought she had done so because she felt sorry for her or because Coulson had asked her to. She hadn't realized it was something personal.  
"I escaped" May continued, taking a deep breath. "I walked away. And it was the biggest mistake of my life"  
"It's different" replied the young. However, her voice had lost any trace of the self-confidence and vehemence she had felt before, and now they had been replaced by fear and doubt. "You are not a monster"  
May laughed at that. But it wasn't the funny and flirtatious laughter from the undercover, nor the warm chuckle she let out in some unusual occasions; it was an empty and bitter sound, stained with a coldness Skye had never felt in her voice and that made her inside twist.  
"That I'm not a monster?" She said, rolling her eyes. "Cavalry, remember? You have, like everyone else, the possibility of becoming a monster. I already am a monster"  
"That's not true"  
"Skye, I'm a real assassin and you're not afraid of me, how can you expect me to be afraid of you?"  
Skye didn't know how to answer that. It made sense, even if she didn't like the whole idea. May was so good with her, why did she have to punish herself to teach her a lesson?  
"I'm not here to stop you" she said. "If you really need this, let me help you"  
"What?"  
"I'll give you a car, a flying ticket and the keys of an apartment. I won't follow you, I swear, and I will keep the others from doing so"  
"I don't need your help" Skye replied. It would only make things harder.  
"Maybe you don't want my help, but you need help" she insisted. "You're just too goddamned stubborn and proud to admit it"  
"I'm not stubborn" she complained, sounding like a five-years-old girl.  
"Yes, you are. I was... I am too" May admitted. Oh, fucking words, why did they have to fly so easily in her mind, just to remain stuck in her throat? She hated being like that sometimes. Just saying "you mean a lot to me" instead of the "I love you" she had felt for so many years. God, why was so hard for her to get the words out of her mouth? "I didn't accept help. Now I'm asking you to accept mine"  
Skye studied her with her eyes. For the last days she hadn't done anything but hiding in her bunk and feel like a monster, capable of killing her entire team, thinking that no one understood her and that she would have to spend the rest of her life alone. She never imagined that, just a few feet away from her, there was someone who had been struggling against that feeling for years.  
"I'm not here to stop you" repeated the older woman, putting a tentative hand on her shoulder. "But please, don't do this. Don't make my mistakes"  
She thought about it for a moment. May really seemed to mean that she would let her have a new start. She probably did. But, in the other hand, it was the first time she had asked something. She seemed to be begging her with her eyes to not follow her path, to avoid becoming someone like her. Skye realized that, if she ran away, none of them would ever forget themselves for it.  
"Fine" she finally said, her voice barely audible. She didn't know since when, but she wasn't crying anymore. "I'm not going anywhere"  
May nodded. Then approached her and grabbed her suitcase. Skye realized that she wasn't doing it because she was too tired to do so herself, though it was somewhat true, but because, one way or another, she was telling her that she was taking away some of the weight that pressed her chest. After that they closed the door and she began following May through the hallways of the base. When she walked past her bedroom she didn't say anything, May knew where she slept, and if she ignored it she probably had a reason. Nevertheless, it didn't stop her from being surprised when they reached her S.O's room and she opened the door, letting her in.  
Skye entered, somewhat puzzled, and the other closed the door behind them. Regardless the state she was in, she couldn't help but looking around her, as it was the first time she'd ever been there. However, she noticed that it was completely empty, devoid of the photos, pictures and posters that decorated the rest of the team's bunks. There were no personal objects on sight, not even a hairbrush or a pair of sunglasses. It was just like May; compartmentalized. The four walls were white, just like the ceiling and the bedspread, and a carpet of cream-and-brown-colored lines consisted of the only decoration on the wooden floor.  
"You're not alone" May suddenly said, startling her. She turned around to face her, not quite sure about what she meant. "I get you; I know what you're doing... And it's not going to work"  
"Because you guys are all too stupid to stop me" she muttered.  
"Probably... come with me"  
May left her suitcase aside, and then entered the bathroom followed by her student, who felt half curious and half surprised. The bathroom was just like her bedroom, simple and without any kind of decorations. She couldn't even see her toothbrush.  
"Look at you in the mirror" her superior ordered.  
Skye looked at her, trying to figure out a way of telling her that she didn't feel capable of doing it. Since her returning to the base she had been avoiding mirrors, scare of not finding herself but a monster. However, May had her eyes fixed in her own reflection in the mirror and, for the hard expression on her face, it was clear that it was painful for her too. Taking a deep breath and finding strength she didn't know she possessed, she forced herself to do the same.  
"That's you" said May, seeing she had obeyed. "A scared and a little messy version of you, but it's the same old Skye; you need to remember that... When I came out of that place, I couldn't look at myself for nearly six months" she admitted her voice barely a whisper. "I didn't even take the elevator. Maybe it was stupid. But I was a monster"  
"That's not true" replied Skye. "You are not a monster"  
The other didn't say anything for a while. She had spent years feeling like a worthless assassin, like someone despicable who didn't deserve another chance, let alone the friendship she had with Phil. In some way, she still felt like that. But telling Skye that wouldn't be exactly helpful. If she had to be honest, maybe she had been the one who had tried to cheer her up the less since her returning. Even Bobbi, who barely knew her, had tried to talk to her a few times. But she hadn't done anything, limited to get her food three times a day. Now it was her opportunity to make things right.  
"I know the weaknesses of each one of you" she finally said, her voice was raspy and lacking of any emotion. She doubted Skye understood how really hard it was for her to tell her that. Well, she wasn't quite sure about why she was doing it, for she hadn't even told Phil about it, and she knew that by trusting that to Skye and taking her to her room she was tearing down the last wall between them. Heck, what had done that girl to melt her core of ice and get to her? She closed her eyes and continued. "Every time I enter a room and I see you all... I know immediately the easiest way of taking you down. I calculate the fastest way of kill you and then run away. And I know that none of you would be able to stop me"  
For the very first time Skye understood what Coulson had told her back in the plane, when she was convinced that May hated her and that she had shot Hannah because she liked to hurt people. But Coulson was right; May used to be different, and judging by her expression, she was well aware of that. Skye realized she didn't want to end like that, and even if she instantly hated herself for it, she couldn't help it. May hadn't changed after Bahrain... she had been destroyed.  
"You're not a monster" she whispered. Her trainer opened her eyes and their gazes met in the mirror.  
"None of us is" nodded May.  
Skye closed her eyes and rested her head against her arm, desperately trying to believe her.


End file.
